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Easy Ways to Bring More Security to Your Relationship

If your relationship sometimes feels like you’re riding a rollercoaster, there are simple ways to feel more secure as a couple. These are techniques you can use by yourself and with your partner to keep you both on a more even course.

Steps You Can Take by Yourself

1. Build up your self-esteem. Start out by feeling secure about yourself. Take satisfaction in your own accomplishments. Pursue meaningful goals. Talk to yourself in a way that is kind and motivating.

2. Acknowledge your feelings. If you’re together long enough, you’re bound to have conflicted emotions about your partner occasionally. Accept your doubts, fears, and irritations so you can process them rationally.

3. Manage stress. A healthy lifestyle will keep you more resilient.

• Get plenty of good quality sleep.

• Eat right and exercise regularly.

• Use alcohol in moderation.

• Find relaxation methods, like meditation or massage, that works well for you.

4. Solve your own challenges. It’s nice to have a partner to commiserate with but stay on top of your own responsibilities.

• Learn to do the laundry or make easy home repairs instead of always depending on your spouse to do the job.

5. Try new things. Expand your comfort zone. Take dance lessons or volunteer in the emergency room at a local hospital. You may develop a new sense of assurance and become even more fascinated.

6. Maintain your family ties and friendships. Healthy couples rely on a broad base of support. Spend time with your family and friends. Get to know your neighbors.

Steps You Can Take With Your Partner

1. Communicate effectively. Communication skills are fundamental to any stable relationship. Talk to each other openly and with respect. Pick neutral times for tackling sensitive subjects.

• Listen attentively and give your partner your full attention instead of focusing on what you want to say next.

2. Provide mutual support. Celebrate your interdependence. Share household chores and parenting responsibilities. Offer your spouse a quiet afternoon at home while you take the kids out shopping for school shoes.

3. Resolve conflicts peacefully. Expect to disagree at times. Try to see each other’s position and look for ways to compromise. Stay calm and be willing to apologize.

• The best solutions make you both feel like winners.

4. Accommodate each other. Be flexible when there is no risk to your well-being or core values. Take turns visiting each other’s family on the holidays. Volunteer for extra errands when you know your partner has a tight deadline at work.

5. Stick to your household budget. Financial pressures can cause divisions. Put your household budget in writing. Monitor how you spend, save, and invest your money. Plan major purchases in advance. Download this financial worksheet to use for your 2023 budget.

Financial Worksheet
Download XLS • 39KB

6. Create your own traditions. Personal traditions give us a sense of belonging and safety.

• Make family dinners a priority.

• If you both enjoy the theater, buy annual subscriptions to a local theater company.

7. Stay close. Flirt with each other. Hold hands when you go out to the movies. Read interesting news stories aloud over breakfast. Put out a vase of fresh flowers in your bedroom.

8. Consider classes and counseling. Being willing to accept expert assistance is a sign of strength. Couples classes can help you learn communication skills and new ways of interacting. Counseling can help you break through issues that are difficult for you to resolve on your own.

Work at making your relationship run more smoothly. Building up your self-confidence and treating your partner with respect will help you to feel more secure with yourself and each other.

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